The Power Of Solitude

There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.

Understanding this often misunderstood state of mind, can change your life. And I am not saying this lightly.

You’re a dangerous person if you go through things alone and come back stronger — @IAmAaronWill

Solitude has been the answer to many of my life's challenges. Please know that I do understand that this goes against the grain of conventional wisdom. But hear me out.

Growing up I constantly needed to have someone around, someone to talk to or hang out with. Just the idea of being with myself scared me. I was not good at it. And then, I went through life, through things that pushed me to the corner and made me lose trust in every person I ever looked up to. No, it is not a sob story because that my friends, changed my life forever, and in the best way possible!

One day I just woke up and realized: All I want to do is be by myself and I loved doing that. But that didn't happen overnight. It only took me 10 years to get to that idea, just 10! yep!

I realized that I was scared to be with my thoughts initially, scared to accept the kind of things I think about, scared to fall into the abyss of the negative pool I create in my mind, pushing me towards the edge. But I had to do it, I had to spend some time with bhavya and her thoughts and that was perhaps the most challenging task I've ever faced.

Ever since I accepted the idea of embracing loneliness, I've spent a lot of time by myself. I never used to go for a walk or even take a cab without my headphones on. NOPE, never! So I started in the dark, trying to make sense of the sounds I was hearing. Invest in it, and try to find a positive sign that may help me grow.

This is what I have discovered: We have to first establish that we can function independently. Many problems in our lives may be solved by spending time alone.
Find ways to entertain yourself.  

Several years ago, I lost someone to an accident. For me, it was like having the rug yanked out from under me. For some reason, I just couldn't go to sleep. The thought of food made me sick. That was painful and I still don't know how I survived it but I learned a lot from it. I tried to open up to people and talk about it but most of them advised me to avoid dwelling on my problems and instead engage in pleasant social activities. My response was to just shut myself out more and not talk about it. I felt no one understood what I am going through and so I compartmentalized the pain. I forced myself to be a loud, cheerful person. I thought I fixed myself, but the hollow feeling inside me, kept on growing, till it took out the best of me. In the process of trying to fake happiness, somewhere I lost myself. I really had to break every ounce of pain and rebuild it.

But I worked on it, I talked to the one person who understood, and that was me. I decided to learn about myself, talk to myself, write my feeling down and most importantly, not judge myself. Slowly, I became comfortable dining alone. I traveled on my own to broaden my horizons and experience other cultures. Even went to the movies by myself (Still do, and love it). People would give me odd looks. It's unusual to see a woman alone at the theatre (Or a man). Because that gives the impression that you're either broken or friendless. And I forced myself to do that anyways. I forced myself to be uncomfortable until it was the new normal and "the looks" didn't matter anymore.

The fact is that I needed some time to myself. I needed to rediscover the pleasure of being alone and stop expecting other people to provide the key to my happiness. It wasn't until I got accustomed to being alone and accepted my situation that I was ready to start enjoying my life again. I ended up completely changing my life for the good.

Things wouldn't have been fixed without the pain of isolation. Many ailments might've not been alleviated by a little bit of alone. Because of this, I was able to accept myself for who I really am.  People often place a high value on being liked, meeting new people, and expanding their professional networks. But suppose there's a more suitable approach. Experiencing isolation taught me this to be true. My shortcomings and my ruthless selfishness were laid bare for me to see.

German psychologist Maike Luhmann from the University of Cologne argues that isolation might be seen as a positive indicator that one's life needs adjusting.

Try being alone if you think you have it tough now. This quotation shows the paradoxical strength of isolation: "All of humanity's troubles come from man's unwillingness to sit quietly in a room alone," stated the French philosopher Blaise Pascal. It is OK to spend time alone. True power comes from knowing how to be alone.

There is never a moment when we are really alone in this world. To guarantee constant contact with the outside world, we always have our smartphones with us. There is constant communication through social media, IM, email, and other means. Now that communication is as easy as clicking a mouse, the globe really has shrunk due to technological advancements.

Simultaneously, there has been a shift towards teamwork throughout all of our operations. There's no shortage of trendy concepts, such as "group thought," "team development," "engagement," "cooperation," "open culture," etc. Collaboration has supplanted the concept of solitary genius. Both of these trends have served as a reflection of the times, but they have also cast a shadow on one of life's most vital elements: Alone time.

There is strength in isolation, and it shouldn't be underestimated. Unfortunately, in today's society, solitude is seen as a pathology that no normal person should ever allow themselves to experience. There seems to be some fuzziness around the difference between being alone and being lonely in this context. But, being alone has benefits in every area of our lives, and everyone should make an effort to spend time alone regularly.

Never have I found a friend more loyal than solitude. The majority of us feel more isolated when we travel to new crowded places and countries than when we remain in our private spaces at home. Have you ever thought about it? Is it the constant need for assurance or is it because we are just scared to go and enjoy on our own because if people look at us, they think "No friends? huh?"

HENRY DAVID THOREAU said, "As much as our ability to be alone may be threatened by the demands of the outside world, it is essential that we make the effort to do so."

Time spent alone is time well spent, as it allows you to hear your own thoughts and opinions. Your true self and your unique voice will emerge during these times of reflection and isolation. You won't have to deal with any distractions or unwanted feedback. It's just your own voice speaking.

"The key to innovation is solitude, as this is the time when new concepts can emerge." - Nikolá tesla
Isolation is essential to the development of one's creative abilities. As opposed to being limited to surface-level considerations when in the company of others, you are free to delve deeply into concepts, zero in on problems, think laterally, and tap into your innermost thoughts and creative faculties.

Yet, being alone lets you spend quality time with yourself and discover your true identity. Being alone with one's thoughts can teach one many things about oneself.
Having this kind of in-depth knowledge of oneself is invaluable. For the sake of not just yourself, but of others as well. To improve your relationships with others, you must first improve your relationships with yourself. What's more is that this comprehension can be applied to anything you're dealing with, including your fears, struggles, and demons. All you need is some alone time for you to think.

The time and space you have to yourself in the wilderness is a wonderful blessing, allowing you to recharge your batteries and regroup from the stresses of everyday life. Our day can take a toll on us, and we have no idea. Every aspect of our lives is subtly influenced by the things we do and don't see every day, such as our commute, our sleep habits, distractions, and other people. Over time, this can wear us down, eroding our peace, enthusiasm, and faith.

A change of scenery can help you recharge after the stresses of daily life. It's a great way to center yourself, rediscover your priorities, and refocus. You'll find it much simpler to get back into the swing of things once you have this room to relax in.
It's common knowledge that famous creators like to isolate themselves by going to remote locations like the top of a mountain or the middle of a lake to get their best work done. The reason they persist is that it is effective. It's best to work alone when you have a specific goal in mind that needs your full attention. No serious work can be done in anything but total isolation.

When there isn't a phone call, meeting, beep, or buzz constantly vying for your attention, it's much simpler to get your work done. This allows one to focus entirely on the task at hand. It's abundantly clear that solitude is a life skill that all of us could benefit from honing. How, in this day and age, do we accomplish this, though? It's a fantastic concept, but putting it into practice could be challenging.

There are two strategies that work the best according to me -

ISOLATE

At every available moment, you should isolate yourself from the outside world.

Let me give you some examples of the "how"

• Please lock the office door for the next hour.
• Put in extra hours at the office to avoid the rush hour
• Go off by yourself during lunchtime
• Take a walk by yourself once a day.
• Rest easy at home and get some extra sleep if you need it.

The idea is to secretly set aside time for introspection and reflection. The removal of electronic devices is a crucial step in this process. We all have time to ourselves during the day, but increasingly, that alone time is being used for technological purposes. This variable, therefore, must be eliminated from the calculation for the plan to succeed. Put away the computer, the iPad, the TV, or whatever else is distracting you and just be.

Get Out of Here!

The second strategy is getting away from it all, which is not only more enjoyable but also more advantageous. Do not isolate yourself completely but instead create physical separation. Go on a trip, whether it be a road trip, a vacation, a hike, the mountains, or camping by the lake. All you want to do is escape from the city.

If you're considering this strategy, here are some things to keep in mind to make it worthwhile:

• If you're going to take a trip, make it worthwhile by giving yourself plenty of time to relax.
• Get out in the fresh air and spend some time in nature or another tranquil setting.
• Don't bring your phone or other electronic devices with you anywhere you want to be alone.
• Wander around aimlessly and take in your new surroundings.

A solo vacation should revolve around solitude. Be realistic about what you can accomplish, rather than expecting to come up with the next great idea, complete a novel, or solve all of life's mysteries. The point is not whether or not you succeed at these things, but rather, how much you put into working toward your goals.

If you really want some quiet time, you can find it almost anywhere. Finding moments of quiet reflection every day is possible if you keep an eye out for them and make the most of the downtime.

And a word of caution. You shouldn't isolate yourself completely either. There's merit in working together, but it's essential to strike a healthy Equilibrium while doing so. It appears that we have moved away from this equilibrium and are currently a bit too interdependent.

So, make an effort to spend some time alone. You might end up having a lot more fun than you anticipated.

And I will leave you with this -

There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and will doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone somewhere will say, "Don't do it, you don't have what it takes to survive the wilderness"  This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself    "I am the Wilderness."